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I have been close companions with a woman, a person who's faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. But, she has been often caught off guard in relationships. Her spouse left her, and it was an unexpected event. Many of her friends disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to him. This surprised her. She put in more effort in our friendship, probably understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues In Relationships

In the time since, quite a few close to her have drifted apart and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job became hostile, even though she was highly competent, her exit happened without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work leading to more time together, yet I realize the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation and she changes them to what interests her. Politically, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been arranging a trip to a country I have traveled to many times and lived in for some time. My intention was to share insights, but this was not welcomed. She really just desired my agreement with her plans. I have returned from a month in that country she hopes to meet, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly understand the effect of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to cut and run, however, that approach is not often the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step requires explaining how things go during your discussions. It should be based on facts like exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing her how it makes you feel. There should be no dispute on this point. What you feel are valid, naturally. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind she too has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to hear that. A helpful technique is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

This can be effective for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject everything, as some people cling to a deep-seated story: they maintain a story of their life they cannot let go of as it feels essential depends upon it being the only thing familiar to them. This is difficult when there seems no clear path with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react this way then consider your perspective. And even if you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace knowing you were truthful.